drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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