My cat gives me a boner
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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