Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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