Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
