the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
