Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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