Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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