apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
