I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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