God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
