oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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