And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Drake has all the answers
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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