Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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