Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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