i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
