We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize