Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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