also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
