My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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