i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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