It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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