You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
