I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
