I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
