oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
