i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
