Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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