The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
