it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
