So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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