why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
