He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
