So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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