I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
