the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize