I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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