Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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