You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
