mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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