Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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