And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
