just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
