note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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