Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize