Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
