I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
