can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
its not stalking. its research.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
