i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
