I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize