the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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