life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
