so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
well most of my day revolves around power hour
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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