well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
