Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
