So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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