You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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