One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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