he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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