I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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