We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
