I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
