Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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