covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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