thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
