"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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