It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
