Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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