You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
