I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this will be a night to untag.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
