Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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