she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
