A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
