I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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