Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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