This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
