Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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