Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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