that's an acceptable place to lick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
