You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize