elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
