I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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