just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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