So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
