so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
