I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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