tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Found the puke drawer
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize