Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
