How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My Higher Power is John Stamos
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We're too hungover to prance.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
