youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
barbara walters just said penis...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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