dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
