Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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