I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
