I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
