wakey wakey hands off snakey
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
