You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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