just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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