did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
