it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
