see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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