you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
