I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
