I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
