Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
